Thoughts, Theories & observations
of a Grown Ass Woman
A couple of years ago, my stepdaughter, and I were having a pretty intense phone conversation. She asked me if I was HSP. I didn’t even know what that meant. I quickly learned that HSP stands for highly sensitive person. At first, I was taken aback and, quite frankly, offended. What was she getting at? Was I being too emotional, too sensitive, too much of a mom? She explained it to me, but suggested I look at the body of work by Elaine Aron who began studying HSP as a biological trait in 1991 to learn more. At the time, Aron said this trait affected 15% to 20% of the population. Now it is thought to affect as much as 30% of us, and this trait is often misunderstood, and HSPs are sometimes judged if they reveal their HSP-ness. When someone hears the word "sensitive," they sometimes assume we are emotional basket cases, weepy or otherwise deficient. As I read through the behaviors an HSP has, I recognized many of them in myself
These are just a few of the signs that resonated with me. You can take self tests on Aron’s website to see if any of them feel familiar to you. About 70% of HSPs are actually extroverts, but many label us as introverts, shy, inhibited, neurotic or even narcissistic. When I started studying this trait, I can’t tell you how relieved I was. I had always felt different from everyone else. I felt things so deeply and it was debilitating at times. I presumed it resulted from my childhood or that I was just weird. I finally had an answer to everyday issues. Here are a few personal examples of how the HSP trait manifests itself in my life:
It’s not all bad It isn’t all bad though. My “rich, inner life” is why I am so creative. It also keeps me up at night, but I consider that creativity a gift for which I am grateful. It has been problematic in relationships, though I have learned to tame that side of me. For example, if I react physically to someone (e.g., feel my heart quickening, sense that fight-or-flight is about to strike, etc.), I know it is time to walk away, put my phone down, or step away from the keyboard. That visceral reaction is a sign to me that I need to step back, think about the situation, and think through how I want to handle it. I pay attention to the physical triggers. I don’t always catch myself in time and I may overreact, but I am learning how to curb. I also own my behavior and apologize if I’ve overstepped. Being HSP also increases my awareness of others, and I am very empathic. In some ways, this is challenging but I wouldn’t change it. I can sense someone’s emotions in ways other people might overlook. I take on their energy and their emotions. It isn’t a choice; it just happens. For example, if a friend is hurting emotionally, I feel their pain in a unique way. This can lead to overwhelm and my taking on “stuff” that isn’t mine to carry, but it also makes me very compassionate. It serves as a good BS detector, too. If someone tells me one thing, but I sense something else, I can call them on it, or I can choose not to react. Awareness of my specific traits and how HSP manifests itself within me is my key to embracing it. Granting myself grace, daily self care and exercise help too. Resources To learn more about highly sensitive people, check out my articles and other resources at HighlySensitiveRefuge.com. 7 Ways to Adapt – and Embrace – Being a Highly Sensitive Person 13 Signs You are Overstimulated How to Handle Civil and Political Unrest as an HSP 7 Ways HSPs Can Effectively Deal With Life’s Daily Disappointments
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by Dana NeutsDana has been writing since she was 8 years old. She is now a grown ass woman with many musings to share. ArchivesCategories |